I've already gotten a decent amount of response regarding my last post about Emetophobia. It actually pleases me to see that people are taking an interest in the subject, whether they suffer from it themselves or they just want to learn more about it. After seeing the response I got in a very short period of time, I decided to create another post, explaining some of the techniques I have perfected over the years that really help with anxiety and help you cope during rough situations. Sure, I am still basically a shut-in, but that doesn't mean I don't still experience plenty of anxiety related to my phobia. So, here we go, my coping skills, enjoy! And please, let me know if any of these work for you.
Firstly, as I stated in my previous post, I am extremely sanitary. I make my fiance sanitize his hands with the proper sanitizer before eating or touching his face. Reason being, even though I rarely go out, he does. He has school and he runs most of the errands, so not only do I need myself to be germ free, I need him to be as well. Honestly, being super clean is my number one coping skill. If I keep germs away from my body and my mouth it makes it damn near impossible to get anything that will make me sick. On the same note, I am really anal (excuse the expression) about expiry dates on food and my cooking practices are flawed. I overcook my chicken to the point it has the consistency of rubber. I refuse to order anything in a restaurant that has a good chance of being contaminated, therefore, I usually stick with anything deep fried (as it is usually pre-cooked). I thoroughly research my local restaurants. There are only a handful of places that I will trust. And if I ever hear of someone becoming ill at one of my "safe" restaurants, it immediately goes on my "nay nay" list. All of this may not appear to be a coping skill, but it very much is. By removing these threats, my anxiety level has less of a chance of rising up.
My second skill is breathing/relaxation/thinking. When I feel my anxiety levels rising to a bad level, I try my hardest to take deep breathes, in through my mouth, holding it for a few seconds, then releasing it very slowly. When I begin to feel nauseated due to my anxiety, this method really helps to relieve my stomach issues. I will also lay back and put on a recording of Family Guy or American Dad. That may seem weird, but it is my comfort zone. I have no clue why, but having Family Guy or American Dad playing puts me in a state of comfort. I don't care why it works, as long as it works. But I must say that finding a comfort zone is definitely important. During an anxiety episode this is what my comfort zone is like. Laying in bed, my fan on, window open (as fresh air and being cool help me as well, being too warm only makes it worse). I will put on Family Guy or American Dad and have Ian laying next to me playing Battlefield 3 on his TV. Seems so ridiculous and simple, but...it works and thats what matters. So I definitely encourage you to figure out what puts you in a state of pure comfort. If you aren't 110% comfortable, your anxiety will only get worse. Try reading your favorite book, or taking a bath. Often times I find a bath will calm me down and soothe any pain or nausea I may be feeling.
My third skill is (shockingly) eating. Every single day I find myself getting anxious with the fear that I am sick because my stomach hurts or feels "nauseous." When in reality, I am simply hungry. As an emetophobe, I often find myself unable to distinguish between hunger and nausea. To be completely honest, if someone asked me to describe the feeling of being nauseous, I couldn't do it. Not because of my phobia, but because I have associated so many different feelings with being sick, that I can no longer distinguish between them. Usually, my stomach gets a feeling of emptiness, and sometimes it cramps really bad. Naturally, I associate the cramping, with being sick. I have to wait for my stomach to physically grumble before I can trust myself eating. But, as of late I have been forcing myself to eat something when I feel my stomach getting that way. If I am really anxious, I will eat some toast. Something light....just in case. Yet, every time, once I get food into me, my stomach feels great. Although, I have to admit, that my stomach rarely feels "normal." I crave to feel "normal." In fact, emetophobics claim to feel nauseated on average 319 days out of the year, whereas non-phobics report an average of 3 times (another fun fact, non-phobics report vomiting an average of 2 times a year, where as phobics report an average of 1 time every 16 years -- please correct me if you find these numbers to be wrong, I am going on memory here). So yes, make sure you eat. You will likely find that a lot of your anxiety over feeling nauseous, is actually just hunger. However, if the anxiety is really bad, do what I do, eat a single piece of toast. That's all it takes to make your belly feel better, and IF you actually are sick (which I can almost promise you is not the case) a single piece of toast won't produce much of anything -- I realize that the simple thought that there is still that dreaded word "if" that you will be unlikely to eat, however, all you have to do is repeat to yourself over and over that you are not sick.
Now, this next skill I have to make a disclaimer about. I am not suggesting you do this because I am 100% unaware of any negative effects it may have (although I have an appointment with my Doctor soon to determine what effects it may be causing, at which point I will surely update this post). However, I have a pharmacy next to my bed. Allow me to name just a few things in my basket -- Pepto-Bismol, Gas-X, Tums, Gravol, Ginger Root, Advil, Tylenol, Zantac, and Immodium. And I can assure you that just touches the surface. If I find myself exposed to something that could potentially make me sick, I usually will take Gravol every 4 hours for a few days. It has gotten to the point that it doesn't even make me tired anymore. I go through a large bottle of Pepto-Bismol every 3 to 5 days. And Tums...well Tums I eat like candy most of the time. Now, in my defense, I have been diagnosed with a stomach ulcer that tends to be quite severe at times. The Pepto, Tums, Gas-X and Zantac help with the symptoms of my ulcer. Gravol does at times too (but I truly believe that is completely in my head). Again, I do not suggest you abuse Gravol. I have done some research on it and have yet to find anything terribly serious. However, I am seeing my Doctor about it and will then determine my plan of action. I also must inform you that this Gravol habit has calmed down a lot in recent months. At one time, I would literally always have Gravol in my system. I suppose I should explain why. Gravol works by "turning off" the signal in your brain that makes you vomit. Therefore, in my head, if I have Gravol in me, I can't vomit.
This next thing is likely the most ridiculous sounding of them all, but, for me it works. And again, after some research I've discovered this is actually a "symptom" of an emetophobe. I always have Halls or a mint nearby. I prefer Halls because the stronger the better. But the instant I feel anxious, I pop a Halls in my mouth and it calms me down. I have no idea why, maybe it is because it helps me take my mind off of my fear and allows me to focus on something else. I believe it acts in the same way that some people truly do better on exams while chewing gum. It subconsciously occupies your mind.
You can also try what I call the "tension technique." Lay down in bed, and completely flex every possible muscle in your body, making yourself stiff as a board. Hold it for a few seconds, and release, keep doing this over and over and it really brings down your anxiety levels. This is a technique a psychologist got me to try, and it is definitely effective.
Now for the cardinal sins of coping. I know that when I am anxious about getting sick I tend to start doing more research on Norovirus and other illnesses that cause vomiting. At the time I think that it will benefit me to re-assure myself that whatever I had been exposed to was not a way to catch the illness. That sentence may be hard to understand so I will explain with an example. If I went for coffee with someone (which is highly unlikely at this stage) and they informed me that their boyfriend had a stomach bug. I would instantly become anxious and more than likely become short of breath, experience nausea and heart palpitations. Once I get home I would be thinking of nothing except how I had been exposed to this "deathly" virus. So, I would then start doing more research, reading things I already know, to re-assure myself that I did not touch anything they touched and that the virus is not air-borne. However, in the end, this makes it 10 times worse. Yes I am getting the re-assurance my brain so desperately needs, but I am also keeping the topic fresh in my mind, thus making my anxiety worse. So when you find yourself in a situation where you feel like need to do more research and re-read everything you've read a million times...don't. It just makes the anxiety drag on.
One of the most important things, that I cannot stress enough, is that your usual Purell and other similar products do not kill viruses that cause vomiting. When purchasing your sanitizing products be sure to look for Benzethonium Chloride. You will find this specifically in Gold Bond Ultimate Hand Sanitizer and Wet Ones Sanitizing Wipes. The Gold Bond is by far my favorite as it comes in large bottles and purse size bottles. However, it can be hard to find. I have yet to find it where I live, but don't fret. I get mine at www.well.ca. They have good prices, quick shipping, and as a bonus, shipping is free in Canada so it is definitely worth checking out.
I apologize for such a lengthy entry, but I have so much to say and cannot seem to type fast enough to get it all out. I realize that I am still in recovery and cannot sit here and tell you how to fix your phobia, if I knew how, I would cure myself. My hope is that this will find at least one person who will benefit from it.
As you can likely tell, the best coping method, is to take steps to make it damn near impossible to get it to begin with. Practice safe cooking and good hygiene. I have one more important coping method, and this I cannot stress enough. Tell people what you are experiencing. Tell your mother, father, sister, brother, friend or spouse. Tell someone how it affects you. This can be extremely difficult, but you will be utterly shocked at the support system you likely have around you.
As usual, I encourage comments or e-mails from anyone experiencing this hellish fear. Talking with people going through the same thing can be incredibly helpful.
I will now leave you with one last suggestion. If you are like me and find that you have trouble sleeping at night, out of fear that you will wake up sick. Talk to your doctor about getting a medication to help you sleep. I take Zopiclone which puts you to sleep but also acts as an anti-anxiety medicine. It has been my saving grace for many nights.
-Drea
Showing posts with label phobia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label phobia. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Confessions of an Emetophobic
Emetophobia is not something many people have ever heard of, despite it being one of the top 10 phobias in the world, among other common phobias as heights, spiders, death and public speaking. What is Emetophobia? To put it simply, it is an extreme fear of vomit/vomiting. Some people who suffer from this are not afraid of vomiting, but they cannot even say the word vomit without extreme panic, while others, fear the physical act of vomiting. This fear can be so extreme that the sufferers become detached from society.
This is a HUGE step for me as only a few close friends and family members are aware that I suffer from Emetophobia. I have suffered with this since the age of 4 (according to my mother). For as long as I can remember the thought of getting sick terrified me to the point of a severe anxiety attack. However, I was able to function normally and live my life. Sure, I thought about it from time to time but for 22 years my phobia was at bay for the most part. The only time it really "flared" up was when I had been exposed to someone who had been ill, which was rare. Although, those "flare ups" ranged from moderate to severe. I specifically remember one time where my mother had to take me to the hospital because I had been become dehydrated from not eating or drinking for days (due to being scared of vomiting). My brain would tell me that if I didn't eat, I couldn't become ill. But, like I said, I was able to function in society, going to school and work. My phobia was actually a good thing at times. As a teenager I never took part in partying, drinking alcohol or using drugs...I won't lie, I wanted to, but I knew that those things could make me vomit so I just chose to stay away from it altogether -- which worked out well for me and my parents.
Most people who suffer from this fear keep it to themselves for their entire lives. Simply making excuses and lies to get out of certain things that would trigger their fear. That was me. My mother and brother were the only ones who knew about my fear, and even they did not know the extent to which it effected me. Only recently have I "come clean" to certain friends about this crippling fear. Why did I choose to tell them? As of last year, my phobia has taken hold of me and my entire life and it will not let go. I physically cannot do certain things without extreme panic, followed by days of panic and anxiety. A friend would invite me to the movies and I would make up an excuse as to why I couldn't go, the real reason...I was terrified that someone in that theater was sick, or had been sick and was still contagious, or had been around someone who had been sick. Sounds crazy right? The funny thing about this phobia is that I KNOW it is irrational. I am not a moron, I am very much aware that vomiting will not kill me, yet, my fight or flight jumps into gear when faced with such an illness. I can keep telling myself how ridiculous it is, but it makes no difference. That is what makes it a phobia, rather than a simple fear.
The steps that I take to ensure I don't become ill would make your head spin. I know every detail there is to know about illnesses that cause vomiting. I also know exactly what chemicals will kill such viruses and which ones wont. I know how it is passed along, incubation periods, etc. There are only certain hand sanitizers that kill the virus (Gold Bond Ultimate Sanitizer and Wet Ones). Purell and other common brands, don't kill it.
Now, why am I not able to function properly in public? Because, no offense, but humans are disgusting creatures. Disgusting in ways that YOU likely don't even think of. Here is an example. Norovirus (Norwalk) is ONLY transmitted via fecal and vomit particles. It is impossible to catch the virus through breathing, and even saliva. Let's think about that a moment. Anyone who has gotten Norovirus, HAD to have put something in their mouths that had such particles on it -- disgusting. So what measures do I take? It isn't anything crazy as every human being should practice these steps as it is simply good hygiene. I have Wet Ones and my special sanitizer at home and in the car. I never go anywhere without them. When I use my debit card or touch anything that anyone else has touched, I use these sanitizing agents before putting my hands anywhere near my face. Consider this. How many times have you gotten gas, gone into the store, and grabbed a snack. If you're anything like most people, you've done it often. So, you have your snack, you pay for your gas with your debit card and happily go back to your car. You then decide, while driving, to eat your snack. Sounds harmless yes? Wrong! There are so many things that you've touched that have disgusting amounts of germs on it. Firstly, the gas pump. Both the buttons and the nozzle are both filthy with every germ and bacteria you can imagine. Such viruses as Norovirus, survive freezing and extremely hot temperatures, so even in the middle of the winter, the gas pump is still crawling with disgusting little particles. Secondly, your snack. How many people have picked that exact item up only to decide on something else? More nasty germs on your hands. Thirdly, the debit machine. You could likely shiver in fear if you knew just how disgusting those machines are. Alright, so there are three things that are crawling with illness causing bacteria and now it is all over your hands. Now, for examples sake, you get into your car and proceed to sanitize your hands. Think you're in the clear? Not so much. These viruses stay on surfaces for up to two weeks! So, your hands are sanitized and you then take your debit card out of your pocket to replace it in your wallet or other card holding device. Your debit card, is a danger zone. It gets swiped through a machine that hundreds of cards are swiped through every day. And that cramped space never gets cleaned. So you are swiping your card through a germ infested machine. If you don't sanitize your debit card, then sanitizing your hands seems somewhat useless does it not?
Now, a lot of readers might think I am insane for putting that much thought into getting gas. But just take a moment and consider it. Am I wrong? How many of the people who have touched all those things decided to not wash their hands after using the bathroom. Or maybe they did wash their hands, only to turn the taps off with their freshly clean hands, only to contaminate them again. Just because you wash your hands after using the bathroom doesn't mean everyone does, especially children.
Getting ill is something that we have the ability to avoid, but humans are so disgusting in their habits that illness will always be a part of society. If everyone used the practices I do, there would be no such thing as pandemics, or even epidemics (excluding air borne illnesses of course). So, now you may wondering, what about all of this prevent me from functioning normally. Well, going out into public is a breeding zone for bacteria that cause illness. The reason is because I have no way of controlling other people and their hygienic practices. I consider it to be extremely un-nerving to know that people can be so germy and not even care.
So, how do I deal with this fear? As of late, I've been sticking to the safety of my home, more importantly, my room. I rarely interact with my room mates (excluding my fiance of course) because I have no way of knowing how sanitary they are. I have trained my fiance to be as sanitary as me. Also, my mother and step father have begun following in my clean footsteps. Obviously I am aware that I cannot live the rest of my life in the safety and comfort of my room. Therefore, I am currently seeing a psychologist once a week in hopes to cure my phobia. If it cannot be cured, I hope to at least be able to function with it. Learn some anxiety control and start really living my life. This phobia has completely crippled my life. I am beyond lucky to have such a wonderful fiance. He is about the only person who truly understands and supports me in this journey. Most people will just tell me to suck it up and tell me how I am using my phobia as an excuse not to work or be in school, when in reality, this is an illness in itself (ironically). I despise the term "mental illness", however, that is exactly what it is. I am sick, and I am taking all of the steps to get better. Ian (my fiance) is my rock and he supports me in everything I do. He completely understands how this effects me, even though he cannot fully understand why it affects me the way it does. My mother knows what I am going through, however, she cannot wrap her head around such a phobia, so her support in this is small, but it definitely helps.
What are my goals? I want to beat this thing. I want to go back to school, get my degree and get a job in my chosen career. I want to be able to go to concerts, movies and out for dinner. I want to be able to go on vacation. I want to be able to go out of the house without the constant strain of panic and anxiety. I know I can beat this and I will beat this.
My reason for writing this is because I think it is time to raise awareness about this crippling phobia that effects more people then you could ever imagine. This is a fear of something that is completely uncontrollable, that is what makes it so life changing. An extreme phobia of heights is controllable -- in the sense that one can simply avoid heights. One cannot ever completely avoid bacteria, viruses and germs.
I encourage anyone reading this who suffers from the same thing to step forward. Leave a comment and tell me your story. I invite any guest authors who wish to write their own story about their life with Emetophobia and I will feature those stories right here in this blog. I must put out a disclaimer. This is a very sensitive subject to hundreds of thousands of people, any negative or condescending comments shall be promptly deleted.
I truly thank you for reading this entry, it means a lot to me that you were interested enough to read through to the end.
-Drea
This is a HUGE step for me as only a few close friends and family members are aware that I suffer from Emetophobia. I have suffered with this since the age of 4 (according to my mother). For as long as I can remember the thought of getting sick terrified me to the point of a severe anxiety attack. However, I was able to function normally and live my life. Sure, I thought about it from time to time but for 22 years my phobia was at bay for the most part. The only time it really "flared" up was when I had been exposed to someone who had been ill, which was rare. Although, those "flare ups" ranged from moderate to severe. I specifically remember one time where my mother had to take me to the hospital because I had been become dehydrated from not eating or drinking for days (due to being scared of vomiting). My brain would tell me that if I didn't eat, I couldn't become ill. But, like I said, I was able to function in society, going to school and work. My phobia was actually a good thing at times. As a teenager I never took part in partying, drinking alcohol or using drugs...I won't lie, I wanted to, but I knew that those things could make me vomit so I just chose to stay away from it altogether -- which worked out well for me and my parents.
Most people who suffer from this fear keep it to themselves for their entire lives. Simply making excuses and lies to get out of certain things that would trigger their fear. That was me. My mother and brother were the only ones who knew about my fear, and even they did not know the extent to which it effected me. Only recently have I "come clean" to certain friends about this crippling fear. Why did I choose to tell them? As of last year, my phobia has taken hold of me and my entire life and it will not let go. I physically cannot do certain things without extreme panic, followed by days of panic and anxiety. A friend would invite me to the movies and I would make up an excuse as to why I couldn't go, the real reason...I was terrified that someone in that theater was sick, or had been sick and was still contagious, or had been around someone who had been sick. Sounds crazy right? The funny thing about this phobia is that I KNOW it is irrational. I am not a moron, I am very much aware that vomiting will not kill me, yet, my fight or flight jumps into gear when faced with such an illness. I can keep telling myself how ridiculous it is, but it makes no difference. That is what makes it a phobia, rather than a simple fear.
The steps that I take to ensure I don't become ill would make your head spin. I know every detail there is to know about illnesses that cause vomiting. I also know exactly what chemicals will kill such viruses and which ones wont. I know how it is passed along, incubation periods, etc. There are only certain hand sanitizers that kill the virus (Gold Bond Ultimate Sanitizer and Wet Ones). Purell and other common brands, don't kill it.
Now, why am I not able to function properly in public? Because, no offense, but humans are disgusting creatures. Disgusting in ways that YOU likely don't even think of. Here is an example. Norovirus (Norwalk) is ONLY transmitted via fecal and vomit particles. It is impossible to catch the virus through breathing, and even saliva. Let's think about that a moment. Anyone who has gotten Norovirus, HAD to have put something in their mouths that had such particles on it -- disgusting. So what measures do I take? It isn't anything crazy as every human being should practice these steps as it is simply good hygiene. I have Wet Ones and my special sanitizer at home and in the car. I never go anywhere without them. When I use my debit card or touch anything that anyone else has touched, I use these sanitizing agents before putting my hands anywhere near my face. Consider this. How many times have you gotten gas, gone into the store, and grabbed a snack. If you're anything like most people, you've done it often. So, you have your snack, you pay for your gas with your debit card and happily go back to your car. You then decide, while driving, to eat your snack. Sounds harmless yes? Wrong! There are so many things that you've touched that have disgusting amounts of germs on it. Firstly, the gas pump. Both the buttons and the nozzle are both filthy with every germ and bacteria you can imagine. Such viruses as Norovirus, survive freezing and extremely hot temperatures, so even in the middle of the winter, the gas pump is still crawling with disgusting little particles. Secondly, your snack. How many people have picked that exact item up only to decide on something else? More nasty germs on your hands. Thirdly, the debit machine. You could likely shiver in fear if you knew just how disgusting those machines are. Alright, so there are three things that are crawling with illness causing bacteria and now it is all over your hands. Now, for examples sake, you get into your car and proceed to sanitize your hands. Think you're in the clear? Not so much. These viruses stay on surfaces for up to two weeks! So, your hands are sanitized and you then take your debit card out of your pocket to replace it in your wallet or other card holding device. Your debit card, is a danger zone. It gets swiped through a machine that hundreds of cards are swiped through every day. And that cramped space never gets cleaned. So you are swiping your card through a germ infested machine. If you don't sanitize your debit card, then sanitizing your hands seems somewhat useless does it not?
Now, a lot of readers might think I am insane for putting that much thought into getting gas. But just take a moment and consider it. Am I wrong? How many of the people who have touched all those things decided to not wash their hands after using the bathroom. Or maybe they did wash their hands, only to turn the taps off with their freshly clean hands, only to contaminate them again. Just because you wash your hands after using the bathroom doesn't mean everyone does, especially children.
Getting ill is something that we have the ability to avoid, but humans are so disgusting in their habits that illness will always be a part of society. If everyone used the practices I do, there would be no such thing as pandemics, or even epidemics (excluding air borne illnesses of course). So, now you may wondering, what about all of this prevent me from functioning normally. Well, going out into public is a breeding zone for bacteria that cause illness. The reason is because I have no way of controlling other people and their hygienic practices. I consider it to be extremely un-nerving to know that people can be so germy and not even care.
So, how do I deal with this fear? As of late, I've been sticking to the safety of my home, more importantly, my room. I rarely interact with my room mates (excluding my fiance of course) because I have no way of knowing how sanitary they are. I have trained my fiance to be as sanitary as me. Also, my mother and step father have begun following in my clean footsteps. Obviously I am aware that I cannot live the rest of my life in the safety and comfort of my room. Therefore, I am currently seeing a psychologist once a week in hopes to cure my phobia. If it cannot be cured, I hope to at least be able to function with it. Learn some anxiety control and start really living my life. This phobia has completely crippled my life. I am beyond lucky to have such a wonderful fiance. He is about the only person who truly understands and supports me in this journey. Most people will just tell me to suck it up and tell me how I am using my phobia as an excuse not to work or be in school, when in reality, this is an illness in itself (ironically). I despise the term "mental illness", however, that is exactly what it is. I am sick, and I am taking all of the steps to get better. Ian (my fiance) is my rock and he supports me in everything I do. He completely understands how this effects me, even though he cannot fully understand why it affects me the way it does. My mother knows what I am going through, however, she cannot wrap her head around such a phobia, so her support in this is small, but it definitely helps.
What are my goals? I want to beat this thing. I want to go back to school, get my degree and get a job in my chosen career. I want to be able to go to concerts, movies and out for dinner. I want to be able to go on vacation. I want to be able to go out of the house without the constant strain of panic and anxiety. I know I can beat this and I will beat this.
My reason for writing this is because I think it is time to raise awareness about this crippling phobia that effects more people then you could ever imagine. This is a fear of something that is completely uncontrollable, that is what makes it so life changing. An extreme phobia of heights is controllable -- in the sense that one can simply avoid heights. One cannot ever completely avoid bacteria, viruses and germs.
I encourage anyone reading this who suffers from the same thing to step forward. Leave a comment and tell me your story. I invite any guest authors who wish to write their own story about their life with Emetophobia and I will feature those stories right here in this blog. I must put out a disclaimer. This is a very sensitive subject to hundreds of thousands of people, any negative or condescending comments shall be promptly deleted.
I truly thank you for reading this entry, it means a lot to me that you were interested enough to read through to the end.
-Drea
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