Ladies and Gentleman, I have returned. I did take a decent size hiatus from this blog, however, I am back and luckily have plenty to write about. I chose to stop blogging as I found myself running out of topics to discuss. Lucky for me, during the time I took away, my brain has almost overloaded on new areas I'd like to write about. I sincerely hope that my readers will return and enjoy what I have to offer.
Let's begin with a short update. I am now living in the amazing city of Ottawa. I have been madly in love with this city from a very young age. I remember coming here to visit my Aunt and Uncle and never wanting to leave. At the age of 13 I took on the city on my own, venturing about, learning the bus system, and loving every moment. It took me until shortly after my 25th birthday to finally make the move. I am having some hard times in regards to employment, due to a language barrier -- something I will be discussing at length in a future entry -- however, I am still so happy to be here. Everything in my everyday life is different. I grew up on PEI, a small, slow paced, farming island. I never knew what it was like to live in a city -- a real city.
I have been thinking about my hometown a lot lately. Do I miss it? Sure. Would I go back? Not a chance. To me, that is strange. I miss driving two minutes across town to pick up a friend and go for coffee. I miss driving another two minutes to downtown and sitting at the wharf just watching the moon on the ocean. I miss how slow everything always was. Islanders even walk slower than other Canadians. I miss the sense of community the most. I doubt I will ever feel a sense of community here like I did at home. No matter where I ventured to on my island, I always saw a familiar face. Everyone knows everyone -- and everyone knows everyones business -- which is something I remember hating about it. However, now that I don't experience that, it is something I miss. I definitely miss being waved to everywhere I went, because no matter what, from one end of the city to the other, someone knew you. It gave a sense of safety. No matter how many times I take the same bus every day, I rarely see a familiar face. Back home, I'd walk anywhere at any time of night, alone, and never feel unsafe. As a child, I can remember walking home at night and running through the dark spaces between street lights. Not because I was scared of being hurt or kidnapped, because I was scared of a monster. Even as an adult walking through those dark areas between the street lights fills me with excited fear -- but its a good fear.
I have so many memories in that place. It makes me crave to go back, but then I force myself back into reality. It isn't that I am craving to go back home - I am craving to go back in time. I have been finding the idea of memories to be a depressing thing. I am grateful to have my memories of the good times (and the bad), but on the other hand, even the good ones make me sad. When I think about the times Ashley and I had, I want to cry. Why? Because they are in the past and there is no way to go back to that time. Those memories of my teenage years, were memories of the best years of my life. The only things to worry about was getting cash for coffee and gas, and where our next pack of smokes was coming from. Sure, everyone says that getting older sucks, and it does. I just wish we could grow older and never change.
So, to make a long story short. I miss my hometown, because I miss the memories, I miss the family and friends that still remain there. However, I love my new town, and the friends and family I have here, creating new memories. The memories that I have at home, will always be there, sadly, the opportunity I need in my life, exists everywhere except home.
I will be home this December for 7 days and I am looking forward to it, but I am also dreading it. I am fearful of my emotions when I am coming toward that bridge and seeing the island in the distance. Will I cry? Will I have regrets? Will I want to stay? I am actually terrified of that moment in time when I open the car window and smell the air, close my eyes, and know that I'm almost "home".
