Many of you who know me personally are well aware of my usual lack of ambition. I often start things and rarely finish them. Another well known fact is that I am often jealous of others. Jealousy can be a horrible thing and can destroy ones life. However, there are many things in my life that I would have never accomplished had it not been for pure jealousy.
My story begins when my younger brother graduated high school. That it itself made me incredibly jealous, as I was still just a high school drop out, barely surviving on my own. Yet, it wasn't enough jealousy to lead me in the right direction. A few weeks into the summer after his graduation, his acceptance letters and welcome packages from his chosen university began to flood our mailbox. I would spend hours just looking over all of the information -- courses, dorms, activities, social groups -- and I can still remember the feeling that came over me. I had never felt so jealous. I almost resented him at the time, for doing so well, and making it to university. Then, that feeling of resentment toward him, quickly turned to hating myself for the situation I was in. Here I was, 21 years old, working for minimum wage and getting eviction notices nearly every month. I had barely a 10th grade education.
Well, thanks to my extreme jealousy, I decided that I wasn't going to let Nyall get all the glory and make something of himself, while I just sat around doing nothing. So, later in the summer I applied to do upgrading at a local college. I attended there for a year and got some credits, I then took a massive leap of faith and applied to university. To my dismay, I got in. I won't get into my first year there, as I have talked about it numerous times already. I really enjoyed my time there, making new friends, getting good marks -- it was all surreal. I couldn't believe that I, the girl who dropped out of high school and barely even passed 10th grade, was getting good marks in university. But, it was happening. I was living with Nyall and had a really amazing year. It enabled me to discover what I have a passion for, and it also enabled me to become much closer with my brother -- which is something we never were.
I did go back for second year, however, I got majorly preoccupied with my new 'beau' Ian. I eventually quit and started working full time. Nevertheless, the time I spent at UPEI allowed me to realize that I loved to write. (Well, I have always loved writing, but I really got to shine while at UPEI and it made me realize I not only loved it, but I was good at it!) I then decided to take Journalism in order to pursue a career doing something I loved. I started this past September, but sadly, due to financial and health issues, I was forced to leave just before Christmas. I honestly felt like I wasn't going to go back. Giving up, yet again. But, jealously kicked my ass into gear yet again.
This time, it was Ashley. Ashley has been my best friend for a lot of years. We quit school together, took our GED's together, and ventured out into the real world together...all with no education. Recently, Ashley decided to apply to UPEI and she got accepted. I was so jealous that I, once again, made a mistake, and she was going to attend and I wasn't. Also, this week, my fellow J-School students, started their internships all across the country. I want nothing more than to be in a real newsroom, chasing stories and getting published. This was all enough to put me back on the right track. I am set to start school again in September and I can't wait. I am hoping that finances will work out so I can remain in school. I am excited to finish and follow my dream of being a reporter/publicist.
Jealousy is so often considered nothing but a bad thing. That couldn't be more wrong. My life was shit, and I was jealous of those who's lives weren't shit, so that got my ass in gear to change my life. Jealousy....saved me.
