These past few days I have come to a huge realization. I am beginning to lose one of the only people in my life who hasn't completely bailed on me due to my emetophobia. (For those reading who know the important people in my life, I am not referring to Ian, he is still by my side fully supporting and loving me). I have talked about this person before and it is becoming clear that their patience and support is wearing thin, which is understandable given the situation. I am always making excuses to cancel our plans, whether it be an appointment, Ian having the car, or some other wild excuse.
This realization has be scared beyond my wits. It seems as though this fear, has given me a boost in the right direction in my recovery. For the last week and a half, I am proud to announce that I have not consumed any Gravol, I have only used my Pepto a handful of times (due to eating spicy foods), and I even made a trip out of the house -- in fact, this trip was to the hospital for a test I had been putting off due to my phobia. This might not seem like much to most, but for me, its a huge step forward. My anxiety levels have been at a minimum, most days, I experience none at all.
I have no idea whether this progress is because there doesn't seem to be much of a stomach flu going around anymore, or if the extreme fear of losing this person just gave me the push I needed.
Either way, I want to thank this person for putting up with me through this, for taking it all in stride. For making plans with me, even though they knew I would be likely to cancel. It means a lot that someone would stand there and take so much disappointment and still continue to take my word. So many times I truly felt that I would be completely able to keep true to our plans, and at the last minute, anxiety took me over and I canceled. Well, we have plans for tomorrow, and come hell or high water, I will not be canceling. I have had a lot of progress over the last week and a half, I want to continue with it and hopefully be somewhat functional in the near future.
Either way, it is quite possible that the simple thought of this person no longer being in my life, has scared me to the point of recovery. I hope they realize how amazing that is, and that it proves what their friendship means to me.
-Drea
