Tonight I came to a couple of realizations. First, I realized that I have been neglecting this blog for a couple of months now, and for that I apologize. The second thing I realized was, due to recent developments -- ignorance -- the neglect will end as of now. However, that being said, I must warn you that this blog is very likely to take a significant turn. I will still use it for blogging about anything I feel like writing about, yet my focus will be on Atheism. I have been an Atheist since I was old enough to use rational thought to form my own opinions. I was very young when I determined I was an Atheist. Back then, it was not something I concerned myself with. I knew what I believed (or did not believe) and I left it at that. As the years passed I found myself spending more and more time reading and learning more, not only about Atheism, but about Religion in general. At this point in my life, my Atheism is very important to me. It is my passion to learn more, read more, discuss more, debate more. Sadly, this angers and offends far too many people. You see, I was being foolish and began to post various status updates, pictures, and links on my Facebook page. I completely forgot that those who have a belief in anything are the easiest to offend. My bad. I forgot that it is completely acceptable to share photos, videos, and articles on Jesus, God, and The Bible. It is perfectly fine to post things on my wall explaining how I should accept God as my savior and pray to him to achieve what I want to achieve. Furthermore, I forgot that it is horribly unacceptable to share anything that goes against those things. It is blasphemous and it is wrong and offensive. I should be ashamed of myself for defacing Facebook with such crap. That is where this blog comes into the picture. Sure, that entire last paragraph was about as sarcastic as I can be, however, the fact remains that those with a religious belief system become so disgustingly offended at any other opinion that it forces them to block you, remove you, fight you, or message you privately, just to make sure that you know how offensive you are being. Is this a problem? Hell yeah it is. Can I fix it? Not really. I know most would simply say "forget everyone else, its your Facebook page, post what you want." For the most part, I agree. The problem is that these people are family, immediate and extended. If a friend wants to remove me from Facebook because they are offended by my posts, I really couldn't care less. That being said, just because I am an Atheist does not mean I am a bad person with no heart. I love my family, despite having different views and opinions. Therefore, I have made the decision to stop posting Atheist type things directly on my Facebook. Rather, I will post them here and provide a link on Facebook, thus giving each and every person a choice. I must confess that this does anger and sadden me. It hurts that there are some people, family or otherwise, who reject the opinions and beliefs of an Atheist so much so that they remove you from Facebook or worse. However, this simply proves that I am taking the high road. I am making a conscience choice to respect them enough to stop force feeding my beliefs to them. I can only hope that they will in turn show me the same respect, somehow I doubt it though. Only time will tell. In closing, I want to welcome you back to BB&B. I can promise that I will be taking on some pretty serious, awesome, and interesting topics in the coming days. I urge you to check back often, if you are a forgetful person, take a look on the right side bar and sign up for e-mail alerts when I make a new entry. Trust me. You won't regret it. Respectfully yours, Drea
To begin this entry, I ask of you to read one of my first posts here. The entry can be found here. Throughout that post I "came clean" and posted a lengthy confession/explanation for a lot of things. At the time, I was extremely frustrated with my friends and family turning their backs on me, however, I was more frustrated with myself for expecting them to understand something they had no idea about. Not to mention, they had no idea that I was even suffering.
Now, I read that article but a few minutes ago and quickly realized an update is in order. Due to the ridiculous costs associated with a Psychologist, I only had three appointments with him, thus, not a lot of good was done. I continued to suffer for months. Fast forward, summer was great, fall was awesome, and here we are. Winter is here. The season that cripples me and my life. I remember writing in my previous entry that I would beat this thing and begin living my life according to me, not according to my phobia. I am still a very hygiene conscience individual, however, I stand by my opinion that everyone should be that conscience about their hands, germs, and hygiene. However, my phobia is "at bay". I am finding myself completely fine attending basketball games with over 2000 in attendance, going for coffee with a friend who works in a nursing home, or even going to the grocery store. I am doing these things without a second thought -- alright, that isn't 100% true. I do give things a second thought, but they are little things. As an example, I now allow myself to touch the grocery cart handle with my BARE HANDS. This is a huge step for me. The second thought comes when I refuse to touch my face until my hands have been washed -- again, this is just good hygiene that will even protect you against the common cold, so take notes. Despite rushing home to wash my hands, or breaking out the sanitizer before I touch the rim of my coffee, the point is...I am out and about and having a great time. I simply have to share this comment I received on my initial confession entry. This comment is what got me to where I am now. It gave me the confidence I needed to tell my mind to screw off and allowed me to regain (at least some) control of my thoughts and feelings, thus cutting down on my irrationality, panic attacks, and secluding myself. I would love to hear from this person again and see if they feel I have changed for the better. I consider myself to be near complete recovery -- I do, however, know and acknowledge the fact that I will never be cured of this phobia, but I can control it. I owe it all to this comment, which hurt me in many ways -- hurt me in the right ways.
This is going to be a different type of comment. I am Drea's best friend in the real world - and well, on the internet too! haha! Anyways, here is a little tid-bit on what it's like to be friends with someone who has Emetophobia. It's really hard not to take their illness seriously until you've heard their entire experience. You blame yourself for them not wanting to hang-out with you. They can make you feel bad about yourself and gross because you happen to work in a germ infested environment, and even though you keep yourself clean with good hygiene etc, you will never be "safe" enough for them. Many plans that we have had had been cancelled do to her fear that I was carrying a virus on me and didn't know it yet. This being said, it very well could be true. I understand that, but it really is disheartening. I really hope that there will someday be a way to cure this phobia because it really is holding so many people back from having fun and enjoying life, but not only that, makes their friends and family happy too. I miss you Andrea, for what that's worth and I hope that with the therapy we will be able to hang out again.
You know who you are, and I thank you. I sincerely hope that you feel I have changed for the better. I know it has been great hanging out again and not cancelling for stupid (false) reasons. -Drea
While getting my daily Facebook fix this morning I saw a video posted of two young boys fighting. This video was from a local teen who uploaded it to Facebook for everyone to see. I watched the video in utter disbelief, then I unfortunately looked at the comments, it was one comment in particular that has inspired this entry. I won't quote the comment exactly to protect the identity of the poster, however, it was basically saying that it was sad that the next generation of kids will think that the fight was awesome compared to other "better" fights, and advising one of the fighters how to properly throw a punch. Does this disgust anyone else? If anything, it worries me that the next generation of kids will see this and think its right. One can only hope that that generation will look at it and consider those involved to be morons -- like I do. Now, I can clearly remember numerous fights in the parking lot on lunch breaks or after school. I specifically remember always knowing there was a fight just by the sheer amount of kids forming in one general area. This always blew my mind. What is wrong with people? When a fight breaks out, the first reaction of most kids is to gather and watch, cheer on the person they know the most, despite having no idea what the fight is about. In today's world, it has gone further than that. If I witnessed two kids in a full on fist fight, my first thought would not be "better film this!" Throughout the video one of the boys fighting ended up with a pretty bloody nose and mouth, once this happens I was disgusted at what I heard. Other kids who were standing around watching the fight were yelling "keep going, its only a little blood." Seriously? Are kids today so messed up that rather than attempt to stop the fight, report the fight, or simply ignore it, they choose to dismiss the fact that someone is injured and urge them to keep fighting. The fact that kids today are like this, makes me sick to my stomach. I mean, I was a little hell raiser as a teenager, however, it never resorted to violence. I can remember a specific incident while I was in high school. A large group was forming outside the school by the smoking area -- I was a smoker so I witnessed the entire event. Two guys lured another boy outside only to jump him. The kid being jumped was an innocent kid who sadly was overweight and was constantly teased and pushed around. These two guys were only beating him up because he was different. Everyone there witnessed that this awkward teenager did nothing to deserve what he got, the beat down only ended when a teacher finally came to the rescue. Want to know the saddest part of this story? Less than a year later, that overweight, awkward (but very nice and genuine) young man, committed suicide. With everything in the news these days about bullying, it is only getting worse. There was severe bullying and suicides when I was in school, but it was never publicized. I personally was the victim of severe bullying all throughout school so I can tell first hand how much bullying has changed. When I was in school there were specific people who would "moo" as I walked past, or yell out "tub of lard". Sure, it hurt, but I just brushed it off and bullied back -- which in retrospect was probably not the best idea, but it helped me cope. By today's standards, most would not consider that to be bullying. Kids today have zero shame. Ambushing unpopular kids and giving them a beat down for literally no reason? WHY? I really cannot understand their reasoning.
Watch that video and tell me what is wrong with those kids. I feel like tracking each one down and slapping them silly. What is even more pathetic than the girls fighting, are the 30+ other kids standing around cheering them on. You all disgust me. Sadly, there is nothing that will ever be done that can stop bullying from happening. Schools have had this "zero bullying policy" for years, but it doesn't do any good. You bully someone, you get scolded and sent back to class, then the bullied kid gets bullied even more for "ratting". You physically injure someone? You get suspended -- as a teenager, suspensions were like a holiday for me, therefore, not great incentive to stop it from happening. The only way to stop bullying, and fighting is to have such things become a criminal offense -- and it should be. The kids in that video (and the one I just posted) should be charged with assault, the kids standing around watching it happen without stopping it, should also be charged. Guilt by association. Maybe then these kids will grow a brain and realize how dumb they really are, and how pathetic they look. Do they like having an entire country think of them as pathetic and disgusting individuals who will amount to nothing? Here is my message to bullies and people to like a good schoolyard fight: GROW UP! Nobody thinks you are cool for throwing your fists, in fact, the majority of people will only look down on you for it. Want to be "cool"? Stand up and take a stand against people like yourself. Get your head out of your ass and realize that the world does not revolve around you, you aren't the best thing to happen to humanity, and that boy who kissed that girl who's ass you're kicking...he never liked you anyway, get over it and move on.
I will begin with a warning, this post will likely be short - but not so sweet. This evening, Ashley and myself attended a basketball game in our hometown. It was a great game, good turn out, and a decent amount of fun. However, shortly after we arrived we noticed something that, quite frankly, has me outraged. Sitting in the front row court side was a couple, the woman was holding an infant. This child could not have been more than a month old. Now, throughout the game we noticed the ball fly into the court side seats numerous times -- not a light throw either -- flying through the air full force. I am in utter shock and awe that there are parents out there stupid enough to sit in such an incredibly dangerous spot, with a newborn baby. I was just waiting for the ball to come flying at them and ultimately kill the child. This woman was not holding the baby in a protective manner either. The baby was "sitting" on her lap, facing forward -- literally a few steps from the court. I witnessed the ball thrown into the crowd right next to this family. It actually disgusted me to the point that it took a lot for me not to walk over and inform her that she is clearly an unfit parent. If I see it again, I assure you, I will not remain so reserved. Now, there is one more thing that is upsetting about this game. Our team is called the Summerside Storm. They are pro team, therefore, they have "cheerleaders." However, these "cheerleaders" -- suitably named "The Storm Troopers" are nothing but a crew of maybe fifteen pre-teens. Some people would consider this to be cute and good for the community, unfortunately kids today find a way to turn anything into an embarrassment. The first few games of the Storm's first season, these 12, 13, and 14 year old girls were dressed so provocatively that hundreds of people complained. Can someone explain to me who thought it was a good idea in the first place to dress up these kids like hookers and have them dance around an arena with 2000+ people watching them? That isn't even the main issue here. After the complaining, these "cheerleaders" are dressed from head to toe -- they've even gone to the extreme of wearing full sweatsuits. The problem that I witnessed was how these girls were dancing. There are kids, most of which are likely just starting high school (if they are even that old). Throughout all of their little displays I watched them like hawks -- I would have bet a lot of money that they learned their moves from watching stripper videos. They wiggle their completely covered asses like they want you to give them some "dolla dolla bills." I am all for our team having "cheerleaders", but they need to decide if they want children or your typical busty blonde. Mixing children and "slutty" dance moves should never be done. There are enough problems in the world where girls are getting pregnant at younger ages than ever before -- MTV has gone so far as to take advantage of this by making their "16 and pregnant" series. With all those pregnancies, girls showboating their "assets" in such a way doesn't do much to deter the boys. Girls of that age should never be considered sexy, let alone trying to be. It actually disgusts me to see such young girls trying to obtain the attention of the audience and the players by shaking their "booties".
Well, that is my rant for the day, I will end here before I get carried away. -Drea
April 20, 1999 -- Two high school students entered Columbine High School in Colorado. They went on a blood spilling rampage shooting and killing 12 students and one teacher, also leaving 21 more injured. Finally, they turned the guns on themselves. Just about everyone is familiar with this horrific story. It is just one of hundreds of horrific events in our recent history that includes violence, bloodshed, and death. No one deserves this kind of treatment, we all can agree on that. However, as sickening as it may be, our society still argues over "what" or "who" is to blame for these things. It comes as a complete shock to me -- deep down it was to be expected -- that people are in fact able to -- with their brainwashed minds -- manage to blame "God" for instances such as the Columbine massacre. They aren't saying "God" is to blame -- of course not, can't say its God's fault despite the enormous amount of hatred and bloodshed that is depicted in the Bible -- they claim that the lack of religion, God, and The Bible in the school system is to blame. The Bible teaches us -- among many things-- "thou shall not kill" "thou shall not steal" and "thou shall not take the Lord's name in vain" just to name a few. So, by taking religion, God, and The Bible out of our school systems, clearly children will never learn these lessons and therefore turn into brutal killing machines. Allow me to quote Mr. Ben Stein and we can see closely how ridiculous it sounds.
In light of recent events, terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.. I think it started when Madalyn Murray O'Hair (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school... The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK...Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Over on the right you will see a picture of Mrs. O'Hair. She was an Atheist activist and the founder and president of "American Atheists". As Mr. Ben Stein felt obligated to state, Mrs. O'Hair was in fact murdered, alongside she atheist son and granddaughter. Not only were they murdered, but they were utterly butchered and mutilated. And for what? In the name of the Lord. Mrs. O'Hair was a pioneer in our society however she was considered the "most hated woman in America". This is only one example of people killed by the hands of devout Christians. When the presence of God and the authenticity of The Bible are questioned, people die. Now, how can Christians (or Jews, or Muslims) sit down and say -- with complete faith and little doubt -- that the removal of Christ and The Bible from the school system is to blame for the worlds problems? More blood has been shed because of religion than has ever been shed where no religion is present. Kids today are not "evil" because they aren't being taught the "values" that The Bible teaches them. Kids today are evil because of many other reasons. I remember seeing the movie Saw II in theaters years ago. I also clearly remember seeing numerous children in the audience as well. The Saw movies depict some of the mos gruesome murders I have ever seen in movie. The main suspect, Jigsaw, captures his victims and gives them an ultimatum. I won't get into the entire flick, but his reasoning for doing this is simple. His victims take something in their lives for granted. Either they cheat on their spouses, they are workaholics and never see their families,or they are obsessed with material items. Jigsaw's plan is to teach them a lesson, if they fail, they die. Well now, that is definitely something I would want my children to see and learn, wouldn't you? So, we let our children watch movies such as that, we have governments allowing meth addicted people to have babies and attempt to raise kids, and we have bullies. People are also not teaching their children coping abilities. How to cope when you are bullied, how to cope when your mother dies from a drug overdose. Mental Illness. For some unbelievable reason, people tend to shrug off mental illness because you cannot physically see the issue. One may not appear to be sick, when in reality, they are as sick as it gets. Mental illness is not something we can control, it all comes down to different forms of chemical imbalances -- among other things that would take too long to explain. I remember being in eighth grade and being so disturbingly depressed that I actually wished death upon other people -- mostly bullies. I would never have done anything about those thoughts, but they were there. This depression was not something I could control. I was lucky, my parents knew there was something wrong and got me help. Kids that shoot up schools, are not doing so because they have no religion in their lives, they shoot up schools because they are mentally ill and need help. So many parents assume that when their kids are always locked up in a dark bedroom that it is just a "phase". The boys who shot up Columbine had plans of attack in their bedrooms. It could have been prevented if parents weren't so lazy these days. My mother would snoop in my room all the time -- at least I think she did -- I know she did if she felt something wasn't quite right. Parents today take so little notice of what is going on in their children's lives that things like this are overlooked. I'd like to make a statement here and now that I hope everyone remembers and holds onto forever -- God does not cure mental illness -- plain and simple. If you're sick, you need counselling and normally, some kind of medication to restore the chemical imbalances. I feel as though this post is all over the place, and for that I apologize. I so strongly feel as though there are hundreds of reasons we have so many of these horrific events happening, and none of them involve God. I am going to end here, for now. I need to gather my thoughts and attempt to put them in a neat little timeline and I will hopefully be able to clean up this post a little. I leave you with one more thing. It is NOT the responsibility of the education system to teach YOUR child the values that YOU deem necessary for a happy death free existence. -Drea
Ladies and Gentlemen, I welcome you back with open arms. I hope you will welcome me back in the same way. Today I will be posting at least 2 different posts, reason being...I have a lot to say, however, the topics of conversation/ranting differ greatly. I hope you will stick around and enjoy these posts. I'd like to start off by talking about something that drives me crazy. I know for a fact I am not alone in feeling this way either. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I go to work and the person sitting next to me is coughing, sneezing, and "snotting" all over the place. When this happens -- which is often -- I am pretty much able to pinpoint when I will be in the same position. Why? Because all of that coughing, sneezing, and "snotting" has managed to get me sick as well -- just what I wanted! Now, let me explain to you why going to work while sick is about the worst thing you can do. Employers tend to disagree with my reasoning -- but wait...hold the phone...yes, I in fact have some lovely reasons for employers to think about as well. Alright, we all know the main reason why we, employees, consistently go to work sick. The reasons are straight forward and understandable. Our employers refuse to pay us an adequate amount of sick time, if they give us any at all, and if we need any significant time off, we get canned. I'd love someone to explain to me how that is in any way right. An employer may argue that "If an employee is staying home for 5 days with the flu, then we are short staffed for a week!" Well holy cow, not short handed for a week!!! Can we look at it at a different way? Employee comes to work sick with the flu rather than resting at home for the week it takes to run its course. They cough, sneeze, and god knows what else all over their desks and into the air the other employees breathe in ALL day. Alright so, lets say that that one employee gets another five employees sick. Now, we've all had the flu, the kind of flu where your fever is so bad your teeth hurt. Naturally, and understandably, if we attend work in that condition, we aren't going to be very productive. Alright, so now, your office has six sick employees, all at work being hardly productive whatsoever, meanwhile, those six people are potentially getting everyone else sick. If I were an employer, I would prefer to pay that one employee for 5 sick days rather than have them come and infect all of my employees which in turn severely effects production levels. The next logical argument put forth by employers is "Well, when we offer paid sick time, people abuse it and call in sick when they aren't really ill". That I simply cannot deny. Of course some people will abuse it, however, I personally feel I'd rather a select few individuals abuse it rather than have an office full of sick people for two months of the year. There are a lot of places that do in fact offer paid sick time, however, 99% of those places are in office environments and the paid sick time offered is often only 2 days a year. 2 days a year! I know when someone I know gets the flu, they are down for the count for at least a week. The simple fact in all of this is that 90% of these employees simply cannot afford to take off sick time. I know people who actually fought their bosses on letting them stay at work. The employer tried sending them home because they were visibly ill, but they had no more paid sick time left. Despite arguing, she was still forced to go home without pay. That is nothing short of wrong. Now, on to the biggest issue in all of this. I have worked in a lot of different establishments in the food industry, none of them offered any paid sick time. In fact, when someone called in sick, they were required to find someone to cover for them or work it themselves, or risk being fired. Can someone explain to me how it is okay to let sick people handle your food? It disgusts me. The food industry should be forced to offer at least 10 days a year of paid sick time. I think that the few people who would abuse this privilege is well worth the end results -- not having sick people preparing and handling the food we eat. That is all I have to say on the subject, but I really would like to know if anyone actually disagrees with me here. I find it hard to believe that anyone could disagree, but I whole heartily would like to know if you do and why. -Drea
Ladies and Gentleman, I have returned. I did take a decent size hiatus from this blog, however, I am back and luckily have plenty to write about. I chose to stop blogging as I found myself running out of topics to discuss. Lucky for me, during the time I took away, my brain has almost overloaded on new areas I'd like to write about. I sincerely hope that my readers will return and enjoy what I have to offer. Let's begin with a short update. I am now living in the amazing city of Ottawa. I have been madly in love with this city from a very young age. I remember coming here to visit my Aunt and Uncle and never wanting to leave. At the age of 13 I took on the city on my own, venturing about, learning the bus system, and loving every moment. It took me until shortly after my 25th birthday to finally make the move. I am having some hard times in regards to employment, due to a language barrier -- something I will be discussing at length in a future entry -- however, I am still so happy to be here. Everything in my everyday life is different. I grew up on PEI, a small, slow paced, farming island. I never knew what it was like to live in a city -- a real city. I have been thinking about my hometown a lot lately. Do I miss it? Sure. Would I go back? Not a chance. To me, that is strange. I miss driving two minutes across town to pick up a friend and go for coffee. I miss driving another two minutes to downtown and sitting at the wharf just watching the moon on the ocean. I miss how slow everything always was. Islanders even walk slower than other Canadians. I miss the sense of community the most. I doubt I will ever feel a sense of community here like I did at home. No matter where I ventured to on my island, I always saw a familiar face. Everyone knows everyone -- and everyone knows everyones business -- which is something I remember hating about it. However, now that I don't experience that, it is something I miss. I definitely miss being waved to everywhere I went, because no matter what, from one end of the city to the other, someone knew you. It gave a sense of safety. No matter how many times I take the same bus every day, I rarely see a familiar face. Back home, I'd walk anywhere at any time of night, alone, and never feel unsafe. As a child, I can remember walking home at night and running through the dark spaces between street lights. Not because I was scared of being hurt or kidnapped, because I was scared of a monster. Even as an adult walking through those dark areas between the street lights fills me with excited fear -- but its a good fear. I have so many memories in that place. It makes me crave to go back, but then I force myself back into reality. It isn't that I am craving to go back home - I am craving to go back in time. I have been finding the idea of memories to be a depressing thing. I am grateful to have my memories of the good times (and the bad), but on the other hand, even the good ones make me sad. When I think about the times Ashley and I had, I want to cry. Why? Because they are in the past and there is no way to go back to that time. Those memories of my teenage years, were memories of the best years of my life. The only things to worry about was getting cash for coffee and gas, and where our next pack of smokes was coming from. Sure, everyone says that getting older sucks, and it does. I just wish we could grow older and never change. So, to make a long story short. I miss my hometown, because I miss the memories, I miss the family and friends that still remain there. However, I love my new town, and the friends and family I have here, creating new memories. The memories that I have at home, will always be there, sadly, the opportunity I need in my life, exists everywhere except home. I will be home this December for 7 days and I am looking forward to it, but I am also dreading it. I am fearful of my emotions when I am coming toward that bridge and seeing the island in the distance. Will I cry? Will I have regrets? Will I want to stay? I am actually terrified of that moment in time when I open the car window and smell the air, close my eyes, and know that I'm almost "home".
Well folks, the time has finally come. Ian and I are starting a fresh, new life and we couldn't be happier. After months of stress, job hunting, and empty bank accounts, we've made the massive decision to move away. Yes, I have "moved away" before, I left my hometown of Summerside and moved an hour away to Charlottetown. I loved living there, it was a whole different world than Summerside. It was "the big city" for me as I had grown up in Summerside, a much smaller, quieter, less cultural city. There I was, loving life in what I thought was the biggest place I'd ever live. Then, between student loan mix ups and our economy (job cuts) failing, things turned to hell. Ian was working, but I couldn't seem to find anything.
After a couple of months, we made the tough (and humiliating) decision to move in with my mother and step-father (in Summerside). Neither of us wanted to do so, but we were left with no choice, we just simply couldn't afford to live otherwise. We've been here a little over a month now, and I have yet to find a job. Ian is working, but not near full time hours, and I have been searching for a job since we got here, I have had only one interview and haven't heard a thing back. Both of us quickly became stressed out and knew we needed to come up with a new plan.
There have been numerous (250+) job cuts on PEI recently, in a small province, that makes finding a job near impossible. Our economy is garbage and there is nothing to be had.After much discussion and planning, we made a choice. We knew we needed to move off island, the question was...how! How were we going to save enough money to move to another province, get an apartment, and survive...without jobs in said province? It was the dilemma of year. Initially, we were discussing moving to Toronto. We figured, it is a massive city with a lot of opportunities, and we could easily save enough money to live in a cheap hostel while we found jobs and an apartment. However, after a little more though, we realized that we did not know anyone in Toronto, no friends and no family. We'd be alone in this huge city that neither of us had been to before. Sure, its been done...but it just was too much of a risk for us. We started to lose hope. I found myself laying in bed until 6am just thinking about how neither of us will be landing full time jobs in the near future and how we must find an apartment by September. I was lost, depressed, cranky and stressed.
Then, one of the most amazing people I know, stepped back into my life and agreed to help us!! I was starting to think the world was against us, but I now realize there are still good people out there. Let me explain. I messaged my good friend Katie, who currently lives in Ottawa. I explained my situation and "vented" to her about everything that has been going on. Then, I had to swallow my pride and ask the question I did not want to ask anyone...I asked her if she had room to let us crash there for 2 weeks MAX while we found jobs and an apartment. To my surprise, she said YES and said we can stay as long as it takes to find what we need to get settled. I could not believe it!! I was in awe. I mean, I always knew she was a really good friend and would always be there for me, but this was just unreal. I still have not thanked her enough.
Now, I must explain that I did not choose Ottawa for that one purpose. I have a decent amount of lovely family members there, and 3 of my close friends (Katie included) live there. I know the city really well as I have been going there since I was a kid. It is a really clean, upbeat, beautiful city and deep down I have always wanted to live there. I am beyond excited for this, as is Ian. I am leaving PEI on July 3rd, 2012 and have no plans on returning (other than to visit family and friends). Ian will not be joining me in Ottawa until 2 weeks later, for financial reasons, but I think we can survive 2 weeks apart in order to have a fresh start.
Bring on the jobs, education, and city life!! And Katie, my dear, dear Katie....Thank you again!! You are saving us!!!
First of all, I want to apologize for such a long period between posts. I am not going to lie to you, I haven't been busy...I've just had nothing important to write about. Things haven't been going the best for me as of late, I am unemployed and the city I live in doesn't seem to have any job openings. I can't even manage to get an interview at A&W. However, despite that, I am trying to not let it get me down too much, and I have been working on a side project that I am really excited about.
This side project is my ultimate dream!! As an (untrained) writer, I have big dreams for myself but those dreams seem so unreachable most of the time. Well, I decided to take matters into my own hands and do something I've wanted to do for years.
I am writing a screenplay! Yep, that's right...a movie!! I've had a few different ideas I've been tossing around for years, and I have finally taken the steps to get the ball rolling. I have a contact in California who is helping me through the process and is a distinguished screenwriter and editor. Writing a screenplay is not an easy job. At first, I figured "how hard could it be? I am a good writer!!". Well, writing dialogue in such a way that you can portray every ounce of feeling and emotion, while still progressing in the story....is difficult. It is much easier to sit down and write a short story or a short novel. When writing a screenplay, you aren't writing things like "Sally was frightened for her life walking down the narrow ally after work. She has seen far too many bodies to feel safe anymore." That doesn't work for a screenplay. Instead, I have to write her exact thoughts while walking alone down the dark ally-way, I have to write it in such a way that the actress has an easy way to portray the fear Sally is feeling.
But, despite the massive challenge I have taken on and the tediousness of writing 2 pages and having to go back and re-write them 10 times to make it fit together nicely...I love it! I have 3 ideas I am going to run with and all I can do is hope and pray that someone...somewhere, decides they like it and want to buy it. I've been reading The Screenwriters Bible and it has SO much amazing information. It is by far the best book I have ever purchased! One piece of interesting information I loved reading was this....according to this book (used by the writer of The Kings Speech, Social Network..etc) 70% or more of screenplays are bought for no less than $100,000...and that 70% are never even made into movies! Naturally, my ultimate dream is to see my screenplay be made into a movie (even a low budget film). However, I would be happy to just sell a screenplay for a good amount and hopefully use that to promote myself a little more.
Anyway, that is what I have been working on lately. I am not going to reveal what the screenplay is about because there are some legal issues and likeness rights business to take care of before anything is revealed...but, I will post soon with some more information!
Well, this post is long overdue. I apologize for the long time between posts, but sometimes I just have nothing to write about. Now, on to today's topic. The Transition!!!
Transition to what? Living with my mother. Yes, you read it right. Ian and I have moved in with my mother and step-dad in order to save money throughout the summer (so we are better off financially for the upcoming school year). I knew that this move was going to be bad, but it is shockingly horrible. After being here for 3 nights, I already want to say screw it and find a cheap apartment. It isn't that they are that bad, it is the fact that we simply cannot live the way we want. We -- just like them -- have developed our own lifestyle, a particular way of doing things. Sadly, our lifestyles completely clash. For example, Ian and I enjoy eating dinner while watching a movie or TV show in the comfort of our room, it is just the way we've always done it. However, in this house, we aren't allowed to eat upstairs, so that definitely messes with our system. It seems minor, but really, when put into the situation where even the smallest bit of your lifestyle needs to be altered, it sucks -- a lot.
There are far too many things to mention. I have to keep reminding myself that they are doing us a huge favor, and have to take everything in stride. It is definitely going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I seriously had 100% more freedom when I was a teenager living here. I feel completely "crippled" (pardon the term). When I look forward to the end of the summer, I picture mom and I being completely estranged....or, Ian and I breaking up. However, my relationship with Ian is beyond strong, and I have complete faith that we can survive this.
I honestly don't feel like I am overreacting whatsoever. I feel like each and every one of you would feel the same if you were in this situation. I suppose its not ALL bad either. Unfortunately at this point in time, I am unable to see what isn't bad about it -- other than the ability to save money all summer. As of right now, we are not working...we are on the job hunt. Ian keeps telling me that once we start working, it will get better, as we won't be here all day, everyday. I think he is right. We will be gone 8-10 hours a day, 5-6 days a week, that will definitely make it easier to handle.
Don't get me wrong. We both appreciate them allowing us to live here for the summer. If it weren't for them, God only knows where we'd end up this summer otherwise. Honesty, another thing that makes it all so horrible...is that we are in Summerside. This city....my God this city....sucks. It is so quiet and dead all the time. There is literally nothing to do, ever. We have the option of going to Tim Hortons, driving around, or going for a drink at a bar that is filled with seniors. There are no places for the younger crowd, whatsoever. Due to that fact, we spend all our time inside, watching movies or Kenny vs Spenny. Then, my mother asks me why we are couped up inside all day. Well....that would be why.
Anyway, we are here now and making the best of it. I don't think it will be horrible the entire summer, we are just still adjusting to the changes. We will get used to it eventually. I guess this is the price we pay for wanting to further our education and not being rich -- but that is a completely different post, regarding our governments complete disrespect for students, stay tuned for that one!!
Well guys, this was a short post, but I will be posting again soon - I promise.
